Love That Liberates: Reflections on a Quote by Thích Nhất Hạnh

“You must love in such a way that the person you love feels free.”— Thích Nhất Hạnh

This simple yet profound quote by the late Zen master Thích Nhất Hạnh invites us to reimagine what love truly means. In a world where love is often portrayed through intensity, possession, and attachment, this statement challenges us to love differently—gently, mindfully, and without chains.

Who Was Thích Nhất Hạnh?

Maybe you're a spiritual geek like me, or maybe you have been a seeker for the truth - (also like me), but never found what you were looking for in the western teachings. Here, allow me to illuminate....Thích Nhất Hạnh was a Vietnamese Zen Buddhist monk, poet, peace activist, and spiritual teacher. Known for his gentle wisdom and deep mindfulness teachings, he played a pivotal role in bringing Buddhism to the West and pioneered the concept of "Engaged Buddhism"—a way of living one's spiritual values actively in the world.

His teachings consistently centered around compassion, peace, and mindful presence—and this quote is a perfect example of that.

What Does It Mean to Love in a Way That Feels Free?

Loving in such a way that the other person feels free is not the norm in many of our relationship templates. Too often, love becomes tangled with control, expectation, or emotional dependency. But Thích Nhất Hạnh speaks to a higher, more spacious form of love—one that nurtures and liberates at the same time. I did not feel this freedom in the way that I was relating and freedom is very important to me, so I started a contemplation about what it means for me to love in a way that feels free, here is what i landed on.

To "feel free" in love means:

• Emotional freedom: The safety to express feelings without fear of judgment or retribution.

• Personal freedom: The space to grow, evolve, and pursue one's dreams and individuality.

• Psychological freedom: The absence of manipulation, guilt, or possessiveness.

• Spiritual freedom: The ability to remain rooted in your own truth, even while deeply connected to another.

Freedom and Attachment

Many of us confuse love with attachment. Learning about developmental psychology as a mother of an autisic boy expanded my understanding. We hold on tightly because we’re afraid—of losing the other, of being alone, or of not being enough. But love born from fear isn't really love; it's need. And need often leads to control, jealousy, and resentment.

To love in a way that grants freedom requires trust. It’s the trust that your connection is strong enough not to rely on control. It’s the confidence that your partner’s joy and growth are not threats, but blessings.

Unconditional Love Is Freeing Love

This kind of love is unconditional. It says:"I love you as you are, not as I want you to be.""I honor your path, even if it diverges from mine."

It means we don't cling. We don't manipulate. We don’t withhold love when the other disappoints us. We offer love as a gift, not a bargain.

In this way, love becomes a spacious field where both people can breathe, blossom, and truly be.

Mindfulness: The Foundation of Freeing Love

Mindfulness is the key. When we’re present with ourselves, we’re less reactive, less needy, and more attuned to the true nature of love. We recognize our own fears, but we don’t let them rule us. We begin to see that the purpose of love is not to capture, but to support.

A mindful relationship is one where each person is allowed to be—without judgment, without pressure, without fear.

How Do We Practice This Kind of Love?

It starts with small, intentional choices:

• Listen without interrupting. Truly hear what the other is saying, without jumping to fix or defend.

• Celebrate independence. Encourage your loved one’s dreams, even when they don’t involve you.

• Set and respect boundaries. Both yours and theirs.

• Let go of guilt-based communication. Instead, speak with clarity, honesty, and care.

• Accept that love doesn’t always mean agreement. Freedom allows space for difference.

A Mirror for Self-Reflection

Ask yourself:

• Do the people I love feel free around me?

• Do I give love as a gift, or as a transaction?

• Do I trust love enough to let it breathe?

These questions aren’t meant to shame, but to awaken us. Love isn’t about perfection—it’s about intention. And the intention to love freely is a revolutionary act in a world that so often confuses love with ownership.

Thích Nhất Hạnh once wrote,

“True love allows you to preserve your freedom and the freedom of the other.”

Imagine a love like that—where you can rest in someone’s arms without losing yourself. Where being held feels like being set free.

May we all strive to love in that way: lightly, deeply, and with open hands.

Learn more about my collaborative couples and singles (that's me too) and Who This Journey Is For?

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You feel the call if you’re ready to:

• Reignite the erotic spark in your life and relationship to Eros. 

• Explore tantric polarity, conscious kink, and/or dominance/submission from a grounded, trauma-informed lens 

• Reclaim your sensual power without shame, fear, or pretense 

• Heal from performance-based intimacy and return to presence-based connection 

• Learn to lead or surrender in wholeness, integrity, truth, and safety 

• Cultivate emotional attunement not emotional enmeshment 

Whether you're partnered or solo, this is a path of radical self-responsibility and devotional intimacy.

Learn more about Liberated Love